I wouldn't sail this ship if I were you
1. The Boodlehound. Perhaps the only dog to have been bred specifically
for a large bladder capacity, the boodlehound is approximately spherical
and only needs to pee once every three days. As such, walking the
boodlehound is a bit like entering the dog pee lottery, and it is
advised to keep it away from places where an unusually large volume of
urine would be a nuisance. It is also one of the few dog breeds which
prefer to travel long distances by rolling rather than walking.
2.
The Danish Rug. A dog bred to satisfy the requirements of people who are
not really allowed to have a dog. The Danish Rug standard calls for the
breed to closely resemble a thick, fluffy rug. One may then train the
dog to lie very still in an unobtrusive place in the event of an
unexpected house inspection. Unfortunately the Danish rug still yelps
when stepped on; however, it is possible to hire a decorative human to
pretend to lie on the rug to maintain the illusion, if you have advance
notice of the requirement.
3. The Boinger Spaniel. This breed has
fallen out of favour amongst those of us with ceilings of normal height.
However, if you live in a house with unusually tall rooms and do not
mind scrubbing dog prints off the ceiling, the Boinger Spaniel is a
loving, faithful and unusually exuberant companion.
4. The Nether
Hugbeast. The breed standard calls for a dog approximately the size of a
small horse; with messy grey-black fur; huge snaggle teeth; sinister
red eyes; a low, menacing growl; and the sincere belief that it is still
a small snuggly puppy and can absolutely fit on your lap for a cuddle.
5.
The Parperon. A spontaneous mutation, the original Parperon found fame
as part of the act of one of the early fartistes. Subsequently, lovers
of flatulence worldwide have managed to keep the Parperon genes alive
with a careful selective breeding program. It is perhaps the only dog
breed that can jet-propel a skateboard, and is of great use in clearing
the room at parties.
