I wouldn't sail this ship if I were you
1. The Russian Roulettocoaster, Upper Mongolia. A roller coaster similar
in context to Urbonas’s Euthanasia Coaster, the Russian Roulettocoaster
is designed to inflict prolonged, extreme g-forces on its passengers,
such that around one in six of them will not survive the ride. The
testing and calibration process landed the entire surviving concept,
building and operational teams of the project in prison, so rides on the
Russian Roulettocoaster these days are thankfully rare. A variant
version in which the car is occasionally diverted onto a track that ends
in mid-air was never built, although plans exist.
2. The You Don’t
Have To Be Mad To Work Here But It Helps Building, Chicago. An entire
office building themed around fairground rides for the wackier kind of
modern corporation. Meeting rooms can only be accessed by tube slide,
the toilets are located in a giant ball pool, and top floor access is by
giant see-saw, forcing employees to co-operate and co-ordinate their
operations in order to get to meetings with the boss on time. In a
cost-savvy move inspired by behavioural simulation and optimisation
tools, employees are kept svelte and expenses reduced by the free office
cafeteria being located on a rotating floor, inducing minor feelings of
seasickness.
3. The tea spa, Highgate. A spinning teacup ride
containing actual tea. The premise of the tea spa is that sitting in a
large cup of green tea will rejuvenate and revitalise your skin, encalm
you in a carrying on sort of way, and also make your clothes a little
bit fashionably brown. Additionally spinning the teacups causes mild
dizziness, which is absolutely the kaleiest sort of legal high, and
sometimes inspires fascinating insights into fluid dynamics. For an
additional fee, it is possible to put a cat in the room, briefly, before
it runs away.
4. The Himalayan waterslide, Nepal. The exact location
of the Waterslide is a closely-kept secret. It appears to be a cave,
but about thirty metres from the entrance reveals its true nature: an
enormous, mile-long waterside-cum-tunnel dug into the Himalayan rock by a
reclusive billionaire. Those who have the resources to find and use the
waterslide (and the gumption, as it is also unlit along most of its
length) will eventually plop out into a wide pool in an artificial
cavern deep beneath Annapurna. Actually getting out again is another
matter; the cavern contains the billionaire’s shuttered secret base, a
number of nefarious evildoers thought lost to the world, a nuclear
reactor best described as ‘cranky’ and the only remaining wild
population of the Nepalese Burrowing Tiger. The cavern currently
contains nearly the world’s entire supply of a certain type of adventure
tourist (did you notice there were fewer of them about?). It is
believed they may have formed a civilization, and many do not wish to
return to the surface.
5. Your mum.
