I wouldn't sail this ship if I were you
1. By planting seeds in their garden that will grow, come Spring, into the sort of fabulous floral display that people will come from miles around to see, and which is punctuated throughout by arrangements of pansies, anemones and the like spelling out ‘I did it’, 'it was me’ and 'guilty’.
2. By inviting all concerned to play Cluedo each week with the culprit, and arranging it such that the culprit always plays the murderer.
3. By promising a free gumball to the first perpetrator of an horrific crime to raise their hand.
4. By sneaking at night down the culprit’s road and pruning all the local trees such that they develop a single long branch pointing at the culprit’s house; or, if that fails, distributing large pointing topiary fingers in pots at intervals down the street. This method is particularly suitable if the culprit is guilty of killing a tree, or possibly of planting an overly tall hedge.
5. By constructing a patent crime-detector that will beep loudly, scroll some numbers down a screen and flash an array of orange lights when close to the culprit.
6. By putting the culprit behind a curtain marked 'doers of crime’ and then pulling the curtain aside when a representative of the Law is passing.
7. By convincing them that their crime is socially desirable and that they will receive praise by telling others about it.
8. By going back in time and committing the crime before they have a chance to, thus making yourself the culprit, so you can give yourself up at your leisure.
