I wouldn't sail this ship if I were you
1. Try turning it off and on again.
2. Place it beneath your Christmas tree and sing ‘Jingle Bells’ backwards three times over it as dusk falls on Christmas Eve. Leave overnight. Hopefully Santa will have fixed it with his magic screwdriver.
3. Maybe it doesn’t know what it needs to do. Make sure to tell it, with diagrams, just what is required of it. Be insistent, particularly if you are a non-expert in the field.
4. Wash it, then apply WD-40, duct tape and/or paint as required.
5. Cut off the burnt bits and cover the rest of it in icing. If it is still not working, it is OK to eat the icing at this point.
6. Try turning it off and on again again.
7. Go to the toilet, search on your phone for how to get it working again, then pretend that you knew this all along.
8. Keep it under your pillow until you dream of how to fix it. Alternatively, just fix it in a dream and then stay in the dream with the working version until you no longer need it.
9. Are you feeding it zeroes? It may be dividing by them. Zeroes are not very nutritious and alternative numbers are available at very low cost. Try feeding it something else.
10. Try turning everything else off and on again, including the lights, yourself, the government and the sun. Something will probably work.
11. Consider it in its current state. Is it not perfect just as it is? Do you really need the so-called functionality you seek? It is working just as the Universe intended, right now, and all you need to do is make peace with that fact.
