I wouldn't sail this ship if I were you
1. Jonah, 2320. Guests sleep in an airtight capsule swallowed by a
genetically modified blue whale. In the morning they are shat out,
freshly-showered, into a random part of the Atlantic Ocean.
2.
Cloudbase Alpha, 2452. Although marketed as an authentic ‘sleeping in a
cloud’ experience, Cloudbase Alpha will attract complaints from those
who believe they were sold an uncomfortable room beneath a blimp covered
in cotton wool. Subsequently, Cloudbase Alpha will deflate all over
Mount Rushmore following an unseasonal storm, causing an international
incident.
3. Your House, 2576. Following the Cotton Wool Uprising,
there will be an upsurge in people not really wanting to go out, but
still wishing to experience nostalgic scenes from their former lives.
Your House will cater to this market by promising to provide the hotel
experience in people’s own houses, usually by providing a
carefully-calculated schedule for alternate householders to do the
dishes and lug large bags upstairs.
4. Inspire, 2714. Many people
will assume that Inspire is named after its huge central spire
structure. In fact, Inspire will be called that because visitors should
make sure to take a really, really deep breath before entering. The
entire structure is filled with a non-breathable atmosphere. It is just
about possible to escape via the lift if you have genetically-modified
lungs. Unfortunately all hotel guests in 2414 are required to sign
non-disclosure agreements and pay in advance, leaving the disappearance
of many of Inspire’s less-altered guests an enduring mystery.
5.
Expire, 2900. Inspire’s more-truthful successor, marketed primarily as a
place where people who do not need to breathe an atmosphere can go to
get away from irritating air-breathers.
6. Well Well Well, 3895. At
the heart of the third Dark Age, Well Well Well consists of three wells
that fugitives from the Raiders may hide in, at the risk of potentially
freezing to death or drowning. It is important to remember that the
definition of ‘boutique hotel’ will have shifted somewhat by this age.
This is due to the popular stereotype of Resistance fighters staying in
boutique hotels in the 3600s.
7. BoutiqueHotel, 4010. By this time,
the phrase 'Boutique Hotel’ will have come to mean something more like
'fortified citadel’. This charming extended fort at the North Pole’s
asteroid islands will be the world’s premier boutique hotel by this
point. Being a no-bullshit type of society, they will call it their word
for what it is.
8. Teaketel, 5518. The first fortified space cruiser
to set off for the 1SWASP J1407 system, and (primarily due to said
fortifications) the first space cruiser to travel significantly beyond
the orbit of the moon.
9. Tel-5, 897 YW. This moon is extremely
dangerous to land on due to the orbiting debris field related to its
position in the ring system of Earth-2, and will thus become a protected
refuge for people who are seeking a no-questions-asked life restart.
10.
Bertie El-5, 1919 YW. The designation Tel or Teaketel now primarily
survives in the surname El, denoting someone who draws descent from one
of the many refugees from Earth-2’s radioactive ex-moon, currently
spiralling in towards the Star following its summary ejection. Bertie
El-5, the flamboyant 95th president of New New Malaysia, will be perhaps
the most well-known of this group. Her penchant for travelling around
with a selection of space lizards living in her beard will be a
system-wide source of delight.
11. BertelTM, 88 NYW. Named after
Bertie El-5, these charming robotic lizards will be the system’s most
popular toy for some five hundred years, throughout the rise and fall of
the of the New Star Cult.
12. Eltem, 789 NYW. An adorable
dwelling space themed around big-eyed robots (BertelTM having
diversified somewhat in the intervening years). People occasionally pay
to stay there.
