I wouldn't sail this ship if I were you
Oh-godparents, agony aunts each specialising in the infliction of agony by different means, nefarious nephews, sinister stepsons lurking beneath missing steps, mothers but you are not sure whose, cousins by the evil dozens, great-great clock grandfathers sitting in the corner and ticking, nautiloid nieces, ex-half-step-siblings, second cousins who once removed always seem to come back again and spin their webs in a different corner each time, blood relations, brothers-in-mystical-but-not-in-human-law, aunts that aren’t, aunts that aren’t always but sometimes are, those who have retained nothing but the concept of zero, those relatives who happen when you go back in time and sleep with your youthful great-grandparent, hundredth cousins who are overjoyed to meet their long-lost relations how ARE you?, sons in glittery red rising only at the apocalypse, patrilateral ortho-whatnots, carbuncular unculars, relations to whom your links are describable only with the secretest algebra.
