I wouldn't sail this ship if I were you
1. When you set a pan on fire and the rising hot air fills a large balloon which you did not realise was attached to your kitchen, leading to part of your house floating away, but ever afterwards you joke that the culprit was a souffle rising instead because that sounds like you are a better cook.
2. When you space your cookies too closely on the tin and once they get into the oven they start elbowing each other and this leads to a fight and someone calls the cookie police and you end up having to explain to a load of terribly serious biscuits in blue that yes, the riot did start here but you don’t know where the perpetrators are now.
3. When there is inexplicably a kitchen on the runway at a major airport, leading to some hastily-aborted takeoffs and disruption and delay for millions of holidaymakers.
4. When you drop a pan of spaghetti and the strands accidentally spell out a major state secret which, owing to a conjunction of mirrors, is seen by a passing spy satellite, and ever afterwards you have multiple intelligence agencies on your tail at all times.
5. When you weave an incantation over the oven, making chips that are terrified of sunlight, and the chips wriggle off into the darkest crevices of your house but occasionally they emerge to try and rescue any other chips that you might make and sometimes you can hear them in the night rubbing themselves together for warmth and making plans to raid the local chip shop and you are generally not happy with the mass of sentient potatoflesh in your vicinity.
6. When your squid ink sauce is not black enough so you follow an instruction on the internet that says to add a black hole and the black hole ends up consuming your pasta, you, your kitchen and the planet Earth.
