I wouldn't sail this ship if I were you
1. Steadfast refusal to queue-jump even when the person in front has been steadfastly refusing to move for weeks and may in fact be dead
2. Science experiment gone wrong leads to being blasted into space strapped to a giant bottle of vigorously shaken irn-bru
3. Pulled limb from limb by a rampaging pack of royal corgis following the great gourmet dog food shortage of 2031
4. Fatally skewered by extremely pointed tutting
5. Did not want to make a scene about the whole being swallowed by a python thing
6. Got drunk in a hot climate and accidentally fried self on the white-hot rocks of global warming
7. Swept sixteen miles out on a sea of mud by the great Glastonbury floods of 2044
8. That lady asked really nicely if she could strangle you, it would make her happy, it seemed churlish to refuse
9. Revealed to be an amphibian after a year’s uncharacteristic lack of rain results in 100% dessication
10. Eaten alive from the inside by the World’s Worst Sausage
11. Punch grabbed one end, Judy grabbed the other, and they started to pull
12. Two people tread on each others’ feet simultaneously and are sucked into the Infinite Apology Vortex