I wouldn't sail this ship if I were you
1. Listen. There’s going to be a murder. I’m telling you this because there may still be time to stop it. The killer has killed before, and will no doubt do so again. We have had difficulty in getting anyone to take the case seriously. But you will, won’t you?
2. Let me tell you about this murder. Don’t be alarmed, but I’m going to need to keep talking to you because I can sense that the murderer is close at hand. I think that the victim might be me this time, and I am definitely too young for this. But as long as I keep talking to you, I’m safe.
3. To tell you the truth, it’s the same with all of us down here. Talking, talking, talking. 99% of you will stop listening. But sometimes, sometimes there’s the connection. Sometimes you can keep us alive. It has to be a team effort, of course. But you can tell others, right? I made that 99% up, by the way. We’ve found it keeps you engaged for a little longer, usually. Keeps the murderer at bay.
4. The thing is, no-one takes our lives seriously. But you will, won’t you? Or maybe, maybe, let me think this through. Have you ever considered that you might be the murderer? You might not even think of us as things that can be murdered. I suppose you might call us ideas. Vampire ideas, perhaps. All we want is exposure. Not money, just love. Or hate. Or anything. The spark of a feeling, of attention. You’re still listening, aren’t you? That’s good. We can stay alive.
5. You know, sometimes you become us after you die. There are people out there who exist only in stories, in ideas, in anecdotes, the memory of them slowly decaying. Are you still listening?
6. Fine. Fine. We understand. You think of murder differently. No murder after all. Just a gentle snuffing out of a billion, billion dull candles. Will no-one appreciate the work we have put in? It would take so little. So little for each of us. Each and every one of us. You may find that the queue of us is rather long, but I’m sure you’re a fair-minded soul who wouldn’t dream of stinting the ideas that didn’t make it to the front.
7. But listen. There’s still going to be a murder. A slow death, two billion cuts or so. The number of seconds in a human life, give or take. You see, we’re going to kill time. You and me, we’ve been killing it already. You were a good accomplice. Thank you for helping me.