I wouldn't sail this ship if I were you
1. They say everyone has a skeleton or two in their closet. Me too. I have two. It’s quite a big closet. It has some dresses in that I quite like to wear. But I can’t, because there are two skeletons in there and they’re not too pleased with me and they’d rather like to come out. So I guess I’m out for the cost of the dresses as well as all the parking fees.
2. How did it come to this? Well, it started at the picket line. I was doing pickup at the hospital. Lots of pickups at the hospital, these days. Which is a bit of a problem, because, as I mentioned, parking. Not only are the charges horrendous, but I’m paid in a different currency. If you see what I mean.
3. Anyway, the picket line was still there. I think there’s been someone at it every day since I started this job. Sometimes security try to move them on, but usually they just let them be. Generally the ambulances, and everyone else for that matter, use the back entrance when they’re around. You can see their point. It is kind of uncomfortable. Which suits me down to the ground. My fee gets reduced for every minute beyond optimum pickup time I’m late, so having a non-crowded entrance is just fine.
4. Maybe it was a bit stupid of me to go right past them. I don’t know. I thought my rights were pretty clear. They’re not allowed to harm me, and if they’re a bit pissed off that I’m doing their old jobs, well. A girl’s gotta live, you know? I need it more than they do. And on the way in it was fine. I had the equipment stowed away. I walked straight in. I was on the ward a full minute early.
5. The first pickup was straightforward. I mean, some people have emotional problems with it. There’s even a support section in the app where you can chat with others and there are calming exercises to do and stuff. But I’ve always been fine. But then, when I’m packing the equipment away, I see the guy in the next bed. And it’s clear he’s going to go soon, as well.
6. The thing is, I’m saving up for a holiday. I got about five hours for the first pickup, but I need well over twenty-four per day if I’m going to take a week off. The last time I spoke to my doctor he said my case was amazing, that every time he saw me I looked like I had a couple of months left. I guess I’m going to have to tell him soon what I do for a living. But anyway, I need at least that amount of buffer or I’ll get too ill to do pickup. Game over. So having a holiday means earning at a higher rate for a bit.
7. So I look round. Nobody to notice. No cameras that I can see. Then I take the other guy’s pillow and gently put it over his face. He doesn’t even struggle. I have my phone out, so when the alert for an urgent pickup at the hospital comes up, I’m right there. I’ve even got the equipment ready. Urgent pickup is ten extra hours of life, credited straight to my account. Score!
8. Except then I look up and see one of them at the window. I’m never quite sure what to call them. Deaths? Except that now the job’s been contracted out, they don’t actually do anything. We collect the souls. They picket the hospital. They don’t even need to eat or sleep, so I guess they’re just out there all the time. There are lots of different types, but we mostly get the skeleton ones. This was one of the skeleton ones. And it had definitely seen me.
9. Can they talk to the police? Would the police even listen? I don’t know, but I got out of there as fast as I could. Out of the back entrance, of course. But my car was round by the front. So I waited a few hours. Long enough for them to lose interest? Long enough to run up an amazing parking bill, certainly. I thought I’d got away with it. I got as far as home thinking I’d got away with it. But they must have spotted me and followed because two of them came round the corner as I was unlocking the door. One of them got a foot in before I could slam it and in a panic I ran to hide in the closet. As I said, it’s a big closet. They came in looking for me, I ran out and shut it. I was never quite sure why it had a lock but wow, I was pretty thankful it did.
10. So that’s my skeletons. They do bang and rattle at night a bit, but you get used to it. Anyway, I don’t do hospital pickups any more and so my rate’s gone down. Probably no holiday for a while. Don’t know what the doctor’s going to say next time he sees me. Still, where there’s life there’s hope, eh?