Listing to Port

An engine of sweet forgetting; a machine that has a meticulous name but we are not quite sure what it does even though things go in and things come out; that machine that is pushing up the daffodils; a machine that dances when no-one is watching; a machine that binges on snow and sleeps it off during the summer; one that is always watching; a paralytical engine, cogs-down behind a bush; a speak-your-secrets machine; one that tidies all mess, and the causes of mess, and the causes of the causes of that mess; a machine that crushes the simple dreams of biscuits; a hoping machine; a device; one that wears a mask to disguise its lack of face; a donkey generator; one that ends rain and spouts tomorrows.

1. Open the black bag and place parts A, B and C together. Talk to part D nicely, until it reverts into the recessed position. Parts E and F will be delivered when they are needed; slot them in place behind the lintel.
2. Place against a wall in direct sunlight (Side N1 must be flush against a vertical surface). Fill the reservoir (G) with potable liquid. Clanking noises are normal at this point. If they are disturbing your sleep, a muffling device (H1) is sold separately.
3. Important: once the initial phase has developed, the surface behind the device may become inaccessible. Placement should be chosen with this in mind.
4. Keep the reservoir topped up. On feast days, wine or beer may be appreciated. Make sure to prune any extraneous shoots. Diagram F12 shows the proper orientation of growth and should be consulted frequently. Once growth is well-established, the device may start attracting ladybirds. Wipe them off whenever they become too dense.
5. Keep an eye on the red indicator. When it turns purple, you should be able to open door Q. Don’t step inside just yet.
6. Send off the attached postcard to initiate delivery of pack R and rations S. Although we recommend using only the officially-developed supplies, it is possible to enter the device using your own. In either case, no legal responsibility is taken for what may occur. When you feel ready, open door Q, using torch K for illumination. Bring stout walking boots and a supply of spare batteries.
7. Remember to close grille G1 behind you, and DO NOT open any of the accessory hatches. Good luck!