I wouldn't sail this ship if I were you
1. The Mascar-Pony. No matter the hour, there is one who listens out for the plaintive calls of those who find themselves in need of a creamy cooking cheese. Hark! What is that noise at the door? Could it be the knocking of a hollow hoof, and the subtle crinkle of a soft package being dropped onto the mat? It may be that we, too, have been touched by her mild and milky presence.
2. The Shit Shower Sheep. When misfortune strikes, pauses a little, then strikes again, possibly with a bit of extra striking on the side and some extra striking just for fun, only then can you be sure that the Shit Shower Sheep has passed over. Few ever set eyes on the Sheep, but the chunky pellets of ill-fortune he scatters behind him have a peculiar pungency that all who have encountered him will recognise for the rest of their lives.
3. The Anxiety Hamster. Furry, warm and nervous, the Anxiety Hamster sits on your shoulder and gently reminds you of that time you were accidentally rude to your next-door neighbour and got too flustered to say sorry and now they hate you and they’ve probably told everyone else they know about it.
4. The Category Cat. Every time you put something into the right place, the Category Cat peers over your shoulder and nods sagely. The Category cat is grey, short-haired and likes to be filed under ‘C’. If you meet it in person, you should be unfailingly polite and if possible provide it with a box that it can be placed in. In return, it may bless you with the power of Being In The Right Place At The Right Time.
5. The Tangle Two-Toed Sloth. As the soft light of day gloops over the horizon, the Sloth hangs motionless, its super-sensitive hearing alert for the little swears floating up from those poor souls who have just discovered the night’s tangles in their hair. A particularly juicy curse stands a good chance of summoning the Sloth itself. You should be wary of doing this, however; although the Sloth will clumsily attempt to get the tangle out with its claws, it usually ends up making the situation worse.