Listing to Port

3290 Musical Instruments
 -3290.1 Those that go parp
    –3290.11 Those that are supposed to go parp
       —3290.111 Those that can be played by melodramatic villains or their invisible henchpersons
       —3290.112 Those that do have other uses beside accompanying the purchase of the kitsch of their country of origin, honestly
    –3290.12 Those which are supposed to go parp, but not quite at that point
    –3290.13 Those out of which any parp at all is a surprise
    –3290.14 Those which would not have parped if they had had a more moderate lunch
 -3290.2 Those that go tinkle
    –3290.21 Those that can additionally be modified to launch small mice into space
    –3290.22 Those that can be played by fleeing animals
 -3290.3 Those that go eee-aw-eee-aw
    –3290.31 Those containing one or more donkeys
       —3290.311 Those in which donkeys are intentionally part of the musical apparatus
       —3290.312 Those which are intended to be powered by the effort of silent donkeys, but the donkeys had other ideas
    –3290.32 Those being practiced by small children
 -3290.4 Those that go squeak
    –3290.41 Instruments that are very small
       —3290.411 The legit world’s smallest violin
       —3290.412 Mouse choirs
    –3290.42 Instruments that are very full of helium
       —3290.421 Those that are being used to transport an insect orchestra to or from the Albert Hall
    –3290.43 Instruments that are very scared
       —3290.431 Those that have stage fright
       —3290.432 Those that are made of vegetables or ice and are about to be consumed by the audience that initially seemed so welcoming
 -3290.5 Those that go bong bong bong
    –3290.51 Those that can be lived in when not in musical use
    –3290.52 Those that are part of clocks
 -3290.6 Those that go twaaaang
    –3290.61 Those that go twaang four or more times and are then mercifully silent
    –3290.62 Those that you can both fire arrows from and use as a shield during the orchestra’s last stand
    –3290.63 Those that refuse to be put into a small car
       —3290.631 Those into which a small car can be inserted
          —3290.6311 Those that sound better after the insertion of a small car
 -3290.7 Those that go thnorp-thnorp-blaaagle-waaaah-sponggg
    –3290.71 Followed by ‘Sorry’
    –3290.72 Followed by 'Oh yeahhh!’
 -3290.8 Those that can be induced to make more than one of the above noises
 -3290.9 Other (unspecified)