Listing to Port

Dear relative, whose angry screeds
I get to read on social media;
I know the ways we disagree
Could fill a full encyclopaedia,
But now we meet on Christmas Day
It’s time to put aside critiques
And share this time with love and joy.
I got your dog this toy. It squeaks.

I choose my gifts with thought and care.
I know how much you love that pup -
I’m sure that her infectious joy
As merrily she chews it up
Will fill you full of Christmas pep.
What’s more, I’m sure the coming weeks,
The dawning of our brand new year
Will also fill with joy and squeaks.

Now, dog toys often break, it’s true.
I choose my gifts with thought and care.
So something I considered well
Is making sure this toy will wear
As little as a toy can do.
I used a shop I truly trust
To tooth-proof up the rubber, and
Make sure the squeaker is robust.

Another thing that makes dogs sad
Is when their toys get stuck up high.
I choose my gifts with thought and care.
I do not want your dog to cry.
I asked the shop I got it from
To make some very minor tweaks.
When activated by a bark,
It bounces down to make more squeaks.

A marvel of technology!
But what if it were shut somewhere  
Inside a cupboard, or a bin?
I choose my gifts with thought and care.
This toy is proofed against that fate:
It has a smell that dogs adore
To help your dog to dig it out
And squeak and squeak and squeak it more.

So pass the sprouts, dear relative.
It’s time to raise our glasses high.
And then some pudding, don’t you think?
What’s that, you say? A gift? Oh my.
You choose your gifts with thought and care.
I’m pleased to hear you have on order
A loving present for my daughter:
The Child’s First Extra-Loud Recorder.