Listing to Port

1. Nicholas Hawksmoor, or for that matter any other currently-deceased architects

2. Carnivorous earpod vines

3. Shark whisperers, if your route takes you past the sea

4. People who are currently being the protagonist in an action film

5. Any of the four commuters of the apocalypse, particularly War, who has a tendency to cause fights to break out

6. Killer robots, particularly if they are labelled as such

7. Upwardly mobile buddleia bushes

8. Anyone who is asleep and having a dream that they are on a train, in case that you should find yourself only a figment in their dream to be snuffed out when they wake

9. Other trains which have decided to try and get a seat on this one for laughs

10. Negative people; that is to say, those made of antimatter where it may well be that accidentally brushing legs with them causes a planet-obliterating explosion. Feel free to sit next to people who are merely a bit down

11. Anything that admits to having an insatiable appetite for human flesh

12. The great god Pan; in this case it might also be wise to get off at the next stop too

1. The Timely Weaver. Believed to be one Mrs. J. Owolabi, originally from Lagos. Mrs. Owolabi gained superpowers when she was unexpectedly licked by the long-distance train to Kano, which that day was being haunted by the ghost of a dog. Feeling herself called to use her powers for good, she concocted a costume and identity based on the Little Weaver, a bird of which she was particularly fond. Her powers extend only to the telekinetic movement of relatively small items. However, by careful use of these skills she has managed to carve out a niche for herself as a hero who identifies people at risk of being late for important appointments, and subtly delays the trains and buses they might otherwise miss by knocking the keys of their drivers onto the floor and/or hiding their pens and other important knick-knacks.
2. Kachiko. Kachiko is a cat. Her superpower is perhaps the one most wished-for by cats: that of sleep. Kachiko has in fact been asleep for seven years (as of 2016). She is able both to eat and shit in her sleep. Her home in Roxas City is regularly visited by other cats on pilgrimage in search of inspiration; thus it may be considered that she at least passively uses her powers to benefit catkind. Kachiko is believed to have been given the gift of sleep by a grateful rat whose life she saved in a complicated case of mistaken identity.
3. EMD F58PH. EMD F58PH is a train which was once ridden in by a radioactive elephant (it is a little known fact that, at any one time, there is usually at least one radioactive elephant trying to catch a train in America. The constant struggle between these elephants and the US secret service is one of the country’s more surprising state secrets and has been making new presidents say ‘Really?’ since at least 1920). The elephant endowed the train with sentience and a restless super-intelligence which is unfortunately quite wasted on a train. In recent years EMD F58PH has managed to connect to the internet and spends its rather dull days playing chess and arguing with train enthusiasts, most of whom have no idea that they are debating the minutiae of railway mechanisms with an actual train. EMD F58PH has on occasion used its powers to avoid hitting animals that have strayed onto the tracks, but is otherwise careful to remain morally neutral.  
4. Charles Crowley (no pseudonym used). Mr. Crowley was a retired Captain with the Royal Artillery who, at the age of fifty-seven, sustained an unusual power after bumping his head on some helium at London zoo. For the rest of his life, he had the ability to levitate walruses (a walrus happening to be the first creature he set eyes on after the accident). Despite strenuous experimentation, he did not have the ability to levitate anything else. More crucially, he did not have the ability to de-levitate walruses. Being a kindly soul, he felt an obligation to the seven or eight floating walruses he ended up creating whilst testing his powers. Mr. Crowley became a common sight in London, towing his floating walruses behind him like a pack of balloons from fishmonger to fishmonger in search of spare fish matter to feed them. He remains perhaps the only person to be simultaneously banned from all the world’s zoos. Interestingly, the Horniman Museum’s famous overstuffed walrus is believed to be one of Mr. Crowley’s brood and as such still has to be weighted down with a large quantity of lead.

9080 Trains
-9080.1 Diesel
-9080.2 Electric
   –9080.25 Toy trains
-9080.3 Steam
   –9080.12 Quaint ye-olde steam trains
       —9080.122 Used primarily to visit Santas with dodgy beards
   –9080.13 Actual working steam trains in places that still do that kind of thing
-9080.4 Nuclear-powered
   –9080.42 Runs through secret tunnels between bunkers in the event of a global emergency
   –9080.44 Train will explode when passing through $city unless stopped by action hero
-9080.5 Solar-powered
   –9080.52 For which inclement weather is a valid excuse for service cancellation
   –9080.55 Still running when there is nothing left on the Earth’s surface but rails and dirt and sunlight
-9080.6 Other tangible power source
   –9080.61 Powered by LNG
   –9080.62 Powered by any old burnable junk that can be stuffed in the furnace
   –9080.64 Handcarts
   –9080.65 Powered by people putting their legs through holes in the carriages and running really fast
   –9080.66 Not powered but can at a pinch be pushed by another train
   –9080.67 Trains that are on boats
-9080.7 Powered by magic
   –9080.71 But still looks like quaint ye-olde steam train
-9080.8 Powered by thought
   –9080.81 Space train pods on the magic woo quantum rails of the Future
   –9080.88 Trains of thought
-9080.9 Trains of paranormal origin
   –9080.91 Ghost underground trains
      —9080.912 Of a mysterious silver colour
      —9080.913 Crammed to the gills with deceased commuters
      —9080.914 Still used by live commuters, who have not noticed
   –9080.92 Zombie trains
      —9080.921 Trains whose parts will rise up from junkyards all over the world when the zombie train apocalypse comes