I wouldn't sail this ship if I were you
1. Being as how we sometimes want to sit on the toilet and look at our phones without flagging up to the world that we have chosen to take something with us that is not strictly necessary for the task of excretion; or similarly
2. Being as how some of us do menstruating and need stuff to deal with that and may not wish to announce this to the room; and
3. Being as how we may someday be in a contest of riddles deep underground, and the answer to ‘what have I got in my pocket’ is an easy one if we have no pockets, and thus we will end up eaten and there will be no-one to defeat the dragon; and
4. Being as how we sometimes need something to do with our hands when slouching around, and crossing arms or fiddling with things attracts a certain breed of amateur psychologist; and
5. Being as how a lady sometimes needs to have to hand a discreet contraceptive after she has jumped from a helicopter, abseiled down a building, drilled through the back wall of a bank, fought off a few security guards, picked the lock, taken the diamond and hijacked the getaway car, not to mention needing a place to put the diamond; and
6. Being as how one sometimes needs a warm place to put a baby kangaroo whilst one searches for its mother; and
7. Being as how losing a bag is significantly easier than losing a pocket, the latter occurrence requiring one either to get naked, battle something with claws or have really badly-made clothes; and
8. Being as how you can pull pockets inside-out and use them as sock puppets when you are bored:
we, the undersigned, are of the opinion that DRESSES AND SKIRTS SHOULD HAVE POCKETS; and that furthermore TROUSERS FOR THE FEMALE-IDENTIFED SHOULD HAVE POCKETS TOO; and that furthermore these pockets should be actual functional ones that do not spill their contents when you sit, squat or bend; that fake pockets are Satan’s spunkstains and let us not speak of them further; that good pockets are big enough to hold at least two of a wallet, a phone, keys and a handkerchief and that given the fundamental symmetry of human beings it is usually no hardship to put at least two pockets on; and that frankly we do not give a fuck about the fabric draping marginally differently compared to the ability to conveniently carry stuff around in the way that people with penis-enabled trousers take for granted.