I wouldn't sail this ship if I were you
Date and Time: 05/16/88934, 00:34 GCT
Parcel Status: Shipped by seller from North Cassini floating logistics station using GalacticTrust Shipments ltd. Congratulations on choosing GalacticTrust! No estimated time of delivery for this parcel is available.
Date and Time: 05/16/88934, 16:88 GCT
Parcel status: Parcel in shuttle transit to Titan Orbital Hub.
Date and Time: 05/18/88934, 05:16 GCT
Parcel status: Processed by GalacticTrust at Titan Orbital Hub. Your parcel delivery will be handled by BargainZoom InterCosmic.
Date and Time: 05/19/88934, 07:12 GCT
Parcel status: In transit on BargainZoom InterCosmic intergalactic freighter. Due to the nature of this delivery method, some time dilation may be applicable to estimated delivery times. Please accept our apologies if this affects your parcel.
Date and Time: 12/01/88936, 15:20 GCT
Parcel status: Due to the takeover by AstroParcel Logistics, all BargainZoom parcels in transit will be rerouted to the AstroParcel Processing Centre in orbit around Jupiter. Depending on your parcel routing, some time dilation may be applicable to estimated delivery times. Please accept our apologies if this affects your parcel.
Date and Time: 04/04/88943, 12:08 GCT
Parcel status: Parcel recieved at AstroParcel Logistics Hub. AstroParcel Logistics Hub has been in the Jupiter Tariff Zone since the start of 88940 and it is a legal requirement that all transiting freight pay a fee of 5% of stated value on a delivery year exchange rate basis. Your parcel will be stored at the Logistics Hub until we recieve a fee of $42:50 New US Dollarquid.
Date and Time: 04/07/88943, 01:18 GCT
Parcel status: Sadly we are unable to process your payment due to the ongoing space pirate incursion. We will update your parcel status as more information becomes available.
Date and Time: 04/20/88943, 06:22 GCT
Parcel status: Your parcel has been transferred to Jolly Roger InterCosmic Transit. To ensure prompt delivery and that your parcel is not flushed into the vacuum of space, please send a fee of $400 New US Dollarquid.
Date and Time: 04/23/88943, 22:40 GCT
Parcel status: Thank you for your payment. Your parcel is in transit on the Royal Solar Express to Venus 1.
Date and Time: 01/02/88944, 08:19 GCT
Parcel status: Parcel recieved at Venus 1. Please note that all parcels from the outer Solar System are irradiated on arrival and are subject to a six month quarantine for Borb’s Disease.
Date and Time: 07/05/88944, 08:19 GCT
Parcel status: Parcel released from quarantine and in solar transit to the Lunar Logistics Hub with Cosmia Vision.
Date and Time: 07/31/88944, 08:19 GCT
Parcel status: Due to the temporary closure of the Lunar Logistics Hub following damage sustained during the Fourth Terran War, your parcel has been rerouted to the Titan Orbital Hub. This delivery will be fulfilled by GalacticTrust. Depending on your parcel routing, some time dilation may be applicable to estimated delivery times. Please accept our apologies if this applies to your parcel.
Date and Time: 02/28/88958, 03:40 GCT
Parcel status: Parcel recieved at Titan Orbital Hub and processed by GalacticTrust. Due to the extended projected delivery time, you are legally required to appoint a descendant or other authorized person to recieve the parcel on your behalf. Your parcel will be held at the Titan Orbital Hub until we recieve this information and a processing fee of £8 Titanian Punts.
Date and Time: 03/02/88958, 07:41 GCT
Parcel status: Thank you for your payment. Your parcel is in transit to Antarctica Three Station with Solar Spider Freightliner. Depending on your parcel routing, some time dilation may be applicable to estimated delivery times. Please accept our apologies if this applies to your parcel.
Date and Time: 06/06/89006, 09:18 GCTA
Parcel status: Due to the destruction of Antarctica Three, your parcel has been recieved for processing at Antarctica Four.
Date and Time: 06/06/89006, 18:55 GCT
Parcel status: Delivery error: send address: city no longer exists. Parcel returned to sender.