I wouldn't sail this ship if I were you
7414 Practitioners of Magic
-7414.1 Witches
–7414.11 Those afflicted with peculiar and persistent itches
–7414.12 Those who magically sneak into houses at night and turn on all the light switches
—7414.121 Don’t ask, it’s a witch thing
–7414.13 Those who, following an inadvisable number of pina coladas at the all-night witches’ millennial sabbat and tea dance, have woken up to find themselves half in and half out of ditches
–7414.14 Witches striding about in particularly fine britches, getting shit done
–7414.15 Those who can be found refining their potion sales pitches in front of mirrors that tell no lies
–7414.16 Those who are mainly interested in just staying in and giving their hundreds of cats individual scritches under the chin
—7414.161 And occasionally also turning the lights on and off
-7414.2 Wizards
–7414.21 Those that are also lizards
–7414.22 Those who additionally have been stranded in blizzards of their own construction and survived only by cooking and eating discarded gizzards
–7414.23 Those who are right wazzocks
-7414.3 Warlocks
–7414.31 Those who are the dog’s bollocks
—7414.131 Those who are literally the dog’s bollocks following some kind of unfortunate cursing contest, the details are a bit hazy, but anyway if you see a dog with oddly sparkly bollocks you should probably get a bit further away and if they, that is the bollocks, start speaking to you it might be a good idea to run
–7414.32 Those who are sitting on their front doorstep awaiting the locksmith because they keep on forgetting that they are not able to magic open doorlocks
-7414.4 Sorcerors
–7414.41 Those additionally having teacups
—7414.412 Those who are in fact more strictly teacuperors, but there’s never an entry for that on drop-down forms for magic practitioners
–7414.42 Those practicing particular types of sorcery
—7414.421 Tomato sorcery
—7414.422 Worcestershire sorcery
–7414.43 Sorcerifs, sorcerands, sorcerxors and other logical operators of the mystical universe
–7414.44 Those who go around after witches turning the lights back off again
-7414.5 Enchanters
–7414.51 Those who are thoroughly enchanting
–7414.52 Those who are not
-7414.6 Other (unspecified)